so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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