i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
