I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize