I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
being pregnant is like rehab
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
