I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize