Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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