stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
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I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
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We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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