you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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