she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
