He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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