I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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