Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time i carry you out of a forest
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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