oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
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my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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