This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize