I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
