I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
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No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
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I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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