I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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