I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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