all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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