you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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