yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize