pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
ttyl tear gas
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Randomize
