The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He? As in you personified your dick?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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