I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
