I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
