I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize