The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize