just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
