im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
