awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
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He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
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Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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