Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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