after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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