someone get that fucking seahorse.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
