I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
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I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
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I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm too high and old for this...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year