fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.