dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl