before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.