Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.