I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
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She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
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If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.