Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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