If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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