I just cut my nipple shaving
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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