I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
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His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
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I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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