I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
