Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
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I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
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I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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