she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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