If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
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I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
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I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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