There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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