This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she pinky promised me she was 18
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
