he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
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I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
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THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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