My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I enjoy the company of your penis
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
