508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
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I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
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what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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