Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
