question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?