nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.