you're like a bully in the Christmas story
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help