Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
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Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
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I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?