okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies