Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
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